Counting my blessings

It’s been quite a while since I have taken the opportunity to write anything at all. I suppose that might be a good thing, depending on how you look at it. Things have finally calmed down a bit for me, which is genuinely something I have been longing for and eagerly awaiting. It’s hard to believe that it has been three long years since my world began to crumble beneath me, and now, thankfully, it has been a few months since it started to feel somewhat stable again. Just a couple of days ago, I was at church attending my niece's baby dedication for her lovely sons, and that occasion got me reflecting deeply on my family. I couldn't help but think of all the things I am so incredibly grateful for, as well as the countless blessings that God has bestowed upon me, even during those challenging times filled with struggle and heartache. So, I think this is what I will focus on writing about now.

Well, for starters, I’m really happy to share that my youngest sister and I have finally patched things up. Honestly, for quite a while, I was convinced that our relationship would never be restored, and it was a difficult thought to process. Our misunderstanding felt greater than God at some points, looming over us like a dark cloud. The saddest part of it all was that when we finally mustered the courage to share our true feelings, we both realized with heavy hearts why this misunderstanding had stretched on for so long without resolution. Sure, we did misinterpret each other’s intentions and got quite selfish when we were both grappling with painful losses, but we also had some outside forces working diligently against us. We had individuals we once trusted whispering lies and absolute nonsense into our ears, which only fueled the fire. I had become convinced that my sister was mean, toxic, and downright hateful, while she firmly believed I was a selfish bitch who didn’t care for her at all. All of this turmoil sprang from those lies. Yet, we were complicit in our own misery, as the thought of simply picking up the phone and talking things out never once crossed our minds. We could have saved ourselves so much time, grief, and heartache if we had only communicated. I could have really used my sister during the roughest time of my life, and she, without a doubt, would have benefitted from my support as well. But as they say, you can’t go back; you can only move forward. Now, we thankfully no longer have those harmful influences in our lives, and we both learned a valuable lesson that will definitely not ever be repeated.

But it was during the most challenging and difficult time in my life that I truly discovered who the real blessings were among those I held dear. I suppose one could say that all those in my life were, in their own unique ways, a blessing. Whether they came into my world representing love and unwavering support or whether they arrived bearing the weight of hard and painful lessons that I desperately needed to learn, each person played a significant role in shaping my journey. Sadly, I lost many friends along the way, but I am genuinely grateful that I gained even more meaningful connections. It may seem incredible, but through it all, my family actually became closer than ever. We made a point to meet up for family dinners every week, where we shared laughter and stories, and we also joined Bible studies together, deepening our bonds. We even took some much-needed vacations together, creating unforgettable memories that brought us all even closer.

I am making my way out of the darkness and warmly embracing the radiant light. As the precious pieces that were once lost are now joyfully found and the wrongs that burdened my heart are made right, I gradually start to forgive others for their wrongdoings to me and, perhaps more importantly, I begin to forgive myself for mine as well. God continues to work through me in powerful ways and brings wonderful people into my life who generously show me grace and kindness. This beautiful process begins to restore my faith and significantly supports my ongoing journey of healing from the deep-seated traumas of my past.

My family, my friends, and most importantly, God have been my unwavering support system, keeping me above water during these challenging past few years. I truly would not be standing here today, feeling strong and resilient, if not for their love, encouragement, and presence in my life.

So, as I sat in my chair at church, a sense of peaceful warmth conceal me while I watched my dear niece and her wonderful husband lead their beautiful family up to the front of the church. I found myself holding back tears of overwhelming joy because of the multitude of blessings that God has so generously bestowed upon me. He truly picked the perfect family for me, and I couldn’t be more grateful. He gave me a grandmother who instilled in me the values of strength, independence, and a fierce spirit. A grandfather who lovingly taught me the importance of love, forgiveness, and knowing when to pick my battles wisely. I was gifted with fabulous aunties who imparted invaluable lessons on what it means to be a mother.

My life was also graced with sisters to laugh with, get into trouble with, and go to battle alongside when necessary. A loyal brother who stands firm and determined to be a kind and good man his family deserves. God blessed me immeasurably with children, each one possessing good and caring souls, all sporting fantastic senses of humor that fill our lives with laughter. Then there are my wonderful nieces and nephews, each with big hearts and strong morals, and now I find myself incredibly blessed with a beautiful great niece who radiates joy and knows just how stunning she truly is.

I also have remarkable great nephews, each bursting with completely different personalities, yet they make certain that their presence is felt, and you simply cannot resist their infectious smiles. Finally, my family is joyfully growing! To date, my children have gifted me with two remarkable granddaughters and the sweetest little grandson. I eagerly await the arrival of another granddaughter very soon, and I can hardly contain my excitement to see the treasure that God has so lovingly crafted in her.

The blessings pour in as God has also chosen the perfect brother-in-law, sister-in-law, son-in-law, and a loyal best friend of forty years, all of whom enrich my life in countless ways. He has brought the right people into my life at just the right moments—so perfectly timed, it feels like divine orchestration. If you take a glance at any of my dedications, you’ll see those remarkable individuals who have influenced me the most, and I am committed to writing even more, as God has surrounded me with an abundance of blessings in the form of people. Former co-workers, supportive managers, cherished school friends, and guiding church leaders—all these wonderful souls contribute to my life in such meaningful ways that I will treasure every memory, each lesson learned, and I promise to pray for them daily.

CL