Walking Away is Survival
When someone lies to you again and again, it shatters something inside you. Suddenly you question everything; how they ever truly felt about you, why they chose to lie, why they really are with you and if any part of their story was ever real. You start dissecting every word they say, every breath, searching for truth that never seems to come. It hurts in a way that is hard to explain. It fills you with doubt, not just about them, but about yourself. Your instincts feel broken, and you spiral into overthinking and overanalyzing because you are desperate to make sense of something that never should have happened.
Some people categorize lies as first degree, second degree, little ones, big ones — but to me, a lie is a lie, and every single one leaves a mark. I have never trusted easily. Honestly, I could count on one hand, with fingers left over the number of people I’ve ever truly trusted. It feels like a curse sometimes, walking through life believing you can only rely on yourself. It sharpens you, though. It makes you independent, fierce, strong, even intimidating. But it also comes with pressure, stress, and a kind of exhaustion that wears you down from the inside out.
There is someone in my life who lies to me constantly and not just the small things but lies about who they are at their core. Lies about a life I am shut out of; a world I do not get to question or be part of. And it leaves me with only two choices: accept it or walk away. Neither feels fair and both feel impossible.
I have been nothing but open with this person; no secrets, no hiding, no walls. I have given them honesty, vulnerability, access to the deepest parts of me. Yet I do not get the same in return. This relationship is not new. It is not about trust or time or learning who we are. They just choose to lie; about where they are, what they are doing. They delete messages, keep secrets, make promises they never keep. And every time, it cuts a little deeper.
Someone recently asked me why I stay connected to a person who lies so much. It is a fair question, and I do not have a simple answer. I built my world around a clear expectation: treat me the way I treat you. I am direct. I am honest. I am respectful, loyal, sensitive, and dependable. And when someone cannot give that back to me, I walk away. Family, friends, partners, jobs — nobody is exempt.
But I am realizing that maybe this is not fair to anyone, including myself. At some point, I have to fight for someone the way I hope someone will fight for me. And that is what I have been trying to do. For once in my life, I am trying not to give up on someone I care about.
But the truth is, I have reached a point where holding on is starting to cost me parts of myself. And that is a kind of loss I do not know how much longer I can endure.
I do not even recognize myself half the time anymore. I have become someone who digs through memories, conversations, even the trash, searching for proof of their lies. And when I realized how far I had fallen, how broken I had become, something inside me finally snapped. That was my rock bottom. It was the moment I knew, painfully and clearly, that this person can no longer have a place in my life.
They have hurt me too deeply, in ways that cannot be repaired. And as much as it will ache to let them go, keeping them in my life is hurting me so much more. Walking away is not just a choice; it is survival.
Once they are gone, I can start to heal. I can reclaim the pieces of myself they scattered.
I can finally find peace again.
I am learning that letting go is not failure; it is self-respect. I deserve honesty. I deserve peace. I deserve love that does not make me question my worth. And as painful as this chapter has been, I know it is leading me back to myself. I am walking away, not because I do not care, but because I finally do — about me.
RP
